An artists journey

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  • Outside the Frame

    Outside the Frame

    I have written about using the frame to our advantage. But it is important to also be aware of what is happening outside the frame.

    The frame

    The frame is one of the most powerful drivers in photography. We need to learn to use it, to compose within it, and, as I said, to dance with it.

    An image can only be what is in the frame. That is all our viewers can see.

    But I don’t want to leave the impression that nothing else is important. As artists and people, we also must be aware of what is happening outside the frame. We often can use it to our advantage. The image is finalized within the frame, but it often depends on a larger area.

    Stylish airport lighting©Ed Schlotzhauer

    Context

    Every image has context. We may isolate an image to reduce the specific context and make it more universal. But context is there, and it is important.

    The scene we photographed was part of a context. The context gave locale and meaning to the scene. We must be aware of that and decide how to use it.

    Sometimes we use part of a scene to represent something more universal. A shot of half dome in Yosemite is a shot of half dome. It is so unique and recognizable that that is all it will be. But a picture of a mountain cascade can represent the idea of mountain cascades almost anywhere in the world. Depends on your intent.

    Do you want to represent this specific scene or are you making a statement about things like this in general? Part of that is managing the context.

    Menu on the mirror©Ed Schlotzhauer

    Action path

    Sometimes action is happening out of the frame that is significant to the composition we are trying to make. If we are shooting sports, we could set up the desired shot with the background or lighting we want and wait for the runner (or bicyclist or race car or football player or whatever) to move into the position we anticipate. For this to succeed, we must be very aware of the action that is happening. And we must be familiar enough with the activity to expect to be able to predict the path of the action.

    I have heard many street photographers talk about setting up the shot they want then wait until someone moves into the perfect position. That takes anticipation and awareness of the movement of others around us. And an understanding of the paths people are likely to take within a scene.

    And patience.

    An unexpected travel shot. It came from taking the time to stop and watch and wait.©Ed Schlotzhauer

    Danger

    Let’s not overlook that there are potential dangers outside the frame that we need to be aware of.

    Say I am concentrating on setting up a landscape scene. I am completely focused on the viewfinder as I perfect the composition and decide on exposure. But if a mountain lion is stalking me, I need to know about that. The reality is that it is unlikely, but it is part of the awareness I need to maintain.

    A more realistic example is a street photographer. Is the location safe? Am I annoying people and starting to attract unwanted and potentially dangerous attention?

    Or take a sports photographer. They must stay aware of the action happening on the field or the track. There is a normal flow to sports action that allows us to anticipate situations. But there are those rare and exciting moments where something unexpected breaks and we must be ready. Maybe a pass interception in a football game, maybe a runner missing a hurdle and falling, maybe race cars crashing. The breaking action could lead to the signature picture of the event, or it could be dangerous to the photographer. Or both.

    This is generally called situational awareness. It is important for keeping us safe and it is useful for making better pictures.

    Mysterious road, Where is it? Where does it go?©Ed Schlotzhauer

    Interacting outside the frame

    I said that a viewer can only see what is withing the frame. That’s literally true, but not the end of the story. Some creative photographers have subjects deliberately looking out of the frame. As viewers, we know from experience that they are interested in or interacting with something unseen. That can bring a heightened engagement. It arouses our curiosity about what is going on.

    Our subject could be staring intently at something out of the frame. A quarterback could be passing the ball to an unseen receiver. An archer could be at full draw, ready to release the arrow. But at what?

    These are examples of action outside the frame influencing what is going on within the frame. It makes the viewer guess what is happening.

    You are directed out of the frame to complete the story.©Ed Schlotzhauer

    Better images

    Many images happen in a context. Understanding the context and working with it instead of against it often leads to better pictures. We create the image within the frame, but events or context outside the frame can strongly influence what we do.

    Action happens and moves into our frame. Often that is what we desire. We must anticipate and plan for that action and be aware of it happening.

    We must also maintain situational awareness of what. is happening outside the frame. This helps to keep us safe. If we get run over by a truck, we will probably stop making creative new pictures.

    These ideas only discuss the physical situation when we are shooting. Many, many other things outside the frame influence us. Our attitude, how we feel, our knowledge, our curiosity, and our life experiences all impact us.

    It is hard to overstate the importance of the frame, but the frame is not the universe of everything significant to a photographer. There is a world outside the frame that impacts the world inside the frame. We must balance them.

  • Culling

    Culling

    I recently finished a major part of a large project to cull my “best” images. It was much harder than I thought. Culling is hard.

    Why

    More than once I asked myself “why?”. I thought this would take me 2-3 weeks. It ended up taking 4 months.

    Why in the world would I take on something like this voluntarily? I felt it was necessary to be honest with myself.

    I use a multi-layer “grading” system to promote my best work up the ladder. It has been in place for several years and it seemed time to do a reality check to see if I believed my system. It is too easy to rate a picture higher just because I like it without it being truly worthwhile.

    And to be honest, there were a couple of concerns I wanted to check on. These are hard to express or admit, but I wanted to see if my recent work was as good as my earlier work and if my work, overall, was up to the standard I want for myself.

    abstract intentional camera movement view of a tree.©Ed Schlotzhauer

    How

    My methodology was just to plow through it from beginning to end. I did not attempt to organize images by subject or style or anything. It is just a huge, roughly chronological list of my top-rated pictures.

    My criterion is that any image in this top group meets my standards. I should be able to randomly select any one and I will be glad to hang it on my wall or enter it to a show. Of course, I don’t like each one equally. I have favorites. But any of this top group should be a very good representation of my work.

    All the images are in a collection in my Lightroom Classic catalog. In general, the goal is to examine each image and keep or demote it. These are ones that have made it to the top of my list. In no case did I delete any pictures, except for a couple of cases of duplicates. Rejecting an image from my top category means demoting it a level, not removing it.

    If things were actually that easy, it would have gone faster. The reality is that it is hard for me to keep from “improving” some of them. So I occasionally take side trips into editing. I enjoy that, but it is a time sink.

    Abstract. Could be a volcano?©Ed Schlotzhauer

    What did I learn

    I went back through nearly 20 years of images in my Lightroom catalog. I have used Lightroom since its beta release. It’s first production release was in 2007. That is quite a trip down memory lane.

    I have not had time to do an intense analysis, buy here are some observations.

    20 years ago I was more active, willing to do more vigorous physical activity in any weather. I have slowed down (or gotten smarter). I still get out in a lot of weather, but fewer long back country treks.

    Way back, I seem to have been a little more willing to shoot anything that was mildly interesting. Now I am older and more cynical and judgmental. I have lost some of the child-like wonder of the world. I am less likely to shoot if I don’t feel it will be a good picture. This is something I need to work on.

    Many of my oldest pictures are travel related. I still shoot a lot when traveling, and I like it, but I have improved my mindfulness and attention in everyday shooting near home. This is good.

    My old pictures tend toward technical perfection and formal compositions. I have moved quite a way beyond that. For one thing, I’ve developed more taste for movement, both intentional camera movement and subject blurring. “Perfection” has a whole different meaning for me now. Abstraction is more common.

    I’ve always had a “good eye” and the ability to isolate interesting events and creative compositions. It has gotten more refined with time. That is encouraging.

    Many of the themes I used to shoot are still well represented in my newer work. I haven’t run off in wildly new directions. One thing I do note is that I seldom photograph people anymore. This is a shame, because I like a lot of what I did in the past. But times seem to have shifted, and I don’t want the potential hassles that can come with it anymore.

    It is probably fair to say my older work showed more youthful enthusiasm while my newer work is more mature and investigative. I’m sure there are deeper insights that will come with more thought.

    Rusty abstract©Ed Schlotzhauer

    What’s next

    If I was really going to do this rigorously, I guess I would create sub-collections of these by topic: all landscapes, all architecture, all travel, etc. That way I could more closely compare the changes that have happened in the treatment of similar subjects over time. I probably won’t.

    E.B. White said that “analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.” I think it would be like that for me if I did such a detailed analysis.

    I’m not really that interested in the fine points of how I have changed. I will just note that it happened. The reality is that I wanted to sneak up on that question I was afraid to consider too openly: is my current work as good as my old work? With some reservations, I will say that the new is good.

    What I do observe and mentioned before is that I have lost some of the child-like wonder and innocence that used to be there. I need to do more stupid, crazy, improbably things just to see what happens. Even if I’m pretty sure it won’t be a keeper. Just to see it.

    Misty morning in rural France©Ed Schlotzhauer

    Was it worth it

    It is harder to definitively say it was worth it. This took a lot of time. But yes, critically reviewing what I considered my best work over the last 20 years was worth it. Just renewing the memories was worth it.

    I tried to be brutal in my screening, but I am surprised that I only “demoted” about 20% of my collection. The changes in the quality of my sensors and lenses over time is obvious. A surprise is that did not necessarily affect my perception of the quality of the images. When a jpg image taken with an old 6 MPix sensor and only a fair lens can hold its own next to one taken with a great lens on a 47 MPix sensor shooting RAW, that says it is something other than just technical perfection.

    Expressing this indefinable quality still eludes me. I got some insight on the effect, but I cannot clearly put it in words. But I guess some insight is more than I had before.

    I called this exercise culling. It turned out to be much more. I encourage you to do something like this as a self-check.

    A parting observation

    I just went through my entire collection of “good” images. I had to edit quite a few of them while I was at it. They just needed it. I couldn’t pass over them without it.

    While going back through the collection to review them for this article, I had to edit some of them again. Even though I had just been through them.

    This brings up something I have learned about myself over the years: an image is an opinion that changes with time. Even over the course of a few weeks I can change my opinion. This is one reason prints are important. They freeze an opinion at a point in time.

  • Organizing Chaos

    Organizing Chaos

    Sometimes it seems like that’s what photography is: an exercise in organizing chaos. Somehow, though, I love it.

    Visual chaos

    In a recent newsletter, RW Boyer was lamenting his inability to think like a landscape photographer where he lives: “Landscape photography is frustrating; there are a thousand things out of one’s control on any given day, in any given scene. … Joking aside, any sort of landscape photography is difficult in my region. The Chesapeake’s geography is flat. Wide scenics rarely work. There’s no immediately apparent foreground, middle, and background. There’s no distant elevations to guide one to obvious compositions. The charm and the feel are fleeting. In a word, the flat topography breeds chaos.”

    Alas, the world outside is a chaotic place visually. Things just aren’t naturally arranged to make it convenient for us poor outdoor photographers. Plants are in the way. Trees aren’t in the right place for the best design. Rivers bend the wrong way. Clouds are too much or not enough or arranged wrong. The sun is on the wrong side. Weather doesn’t cooperate. Sigh.

    I say that facetiously, of course. That chaos and the difficulty of making something pleasing out of a cluttered scene is one of the unique and challenging parts of photography. If it was too easy it would be difficult to create outstanding images.

    An unexpected travel shot. It came from taking the time to stop and watch and wait.©Ed Schlotzhauer

    Bringing order

    I love this challenge. The inner designer in me rises to it. It is a very satisfying mental exercise to try to mold a chaotic scene into a clean and appealing image. This is one of the defining characteristics of photography. Painters start with a blank canvas and selectively add only the elements they want for their scene. But photographers must start with an existing, disordered scene and simplify it.

    We have many techniques to apply to do this. Lens selection will widen or narrow our field of view. We can change our point of view to include significant parts or exclude distracting elements. Selective focus can emphasize the areas of attention. Exposure can be used to darken or blow out parts of the frame where you don’t want any detail. Long exposure can change moving elements into a different graphical design. These and other techniques give us great control over the arrangements of the parts.

    Tunnel of storm sewer pipes©Ed Schlotzhauer

    Design

    But above all, it is a design challenge. The tendency is to think of design as a careful, disciplined process that we do ahead of time. But that is not usually true of photography for me.

    When we are there in the field, looking through our viewfinder, we see chaos and we must decide what to do with it. That is the type of photographic design I am referring to.

    We must decide what is key to the scene and how to emphasize that and minimize distractions. Is it the S curve of a river or the graphical arrangement of branches? Is it the forms or the leading lines that draw the eye a certain way? Most scenes can be arranged to bring an interesting view. Some more than others, but most can be improved.

    Shapes created by a stack of chairs©Ed Schlotzhauer

    Work it

    Following on from a previous post, we need to very consciously work to refine our design after we set it up. This is a weakness of mine that I plan to improve. When I walk up to a scene, I tend to do a tremendous amount of subconscious evaluation to select a composition. My natural tendency is to set up and shoot what I visualized as I came on the scene and stop there without taking it further.

    But I know that many designs can be enhanced by exploring variations. I will try to discipline myself to do this more diligently. Move – left, right, up, down, near, far– look for improvements in the composition with slight shifts. Look closely at the entire frame to make sure there are no distracting elements that could be eliminated by in-camera techniques. Walk more to see if a more dramatic change of viewpoint could help.

    Most of all, I need to make sure I look and think. What I have is good, but can I make it better?

    Bull Elk w/peak antlers©Ed Schlotzhauer

    Framing

    I wrote about the idea I called “Dancing with the Frame“. This is my take on my intuitive composition practice. This is closer to what I actually do in practice.

    I know composition fairly well after many years of study and practice and failure. It is not a conscious process for me. I realize that this seems in conflict with the disciplined refinement approach I outlined above, but that is part of the ambiguity I deal with.

    Viewing a potential photograph through my viewfinder invokes a dynamic design activity. I move, zoom, focus, and change the exposure in an almost automatic hunt. It is not that I can’t express my design thoughts, but that I don’t have time to.

    I am moving to minimize clutter, increase the dynamism of the composition, clarify and simplify, or improve the lighting. When “it” happens, I recognize it and press the shutter. Perhaps I keep going to see if I can improve it or create a derivative composition that also works. I might keep going as long as things keep happening or I am discovering new insights.

    The dynamic power of the frame is a strong force. When I see things come into a good composition, I act on it. The trigger is often intuitive. It happens before I can express it verbally.

    Gold mannekin©Ed Schlotzhauer

    Don’t over analyze

    A caution, though. Don’t over analyze the situation. Design and creation should be an act of joy. When you are learning new techniques, it is normal to have to slow down and concentrate a lot on what you are doing. But try to get to the point where it flows naturally. To where you move with it and follow your instincts. Trust your instincts.

    Another caution is that composition is important, but it is not what the picture is about. I have many images that are formally good compositions, but are relegated to lower ranks in my filing system. Ultimately, the picture must be interesting, too.

    Shooting in the outdoors should be energizing. We should feel excited about what we are seeing and capturing. Outdoor photography exists in a world of chaos. We must learn to deal with it, use it, and still come up with excellent images. It is about organizing chaos. We can’t control it, really, but we must make images that look like we did.

    Creativity is exciting and invigorating. Most of us aren’t going to get rich at this. We should at least have fun and feel satisfied. Making something interesting out of what seems like chaos is rewarding.

    This is a journey of discovery. Enjoy the journey and have fun!

  • Accept the Gift

    Accept the Gift

    I believe that many of our most interesting photo opportunities are gifts presented to us. We must accept the gift.

    A gift

    I save a lot of quotes. Some are to trigger writing topics and others are collected wisdom I refer to on occasion. Or both.

    I was recently impacted by the repeated message of several quotes I encountered in series. They were from different people and different sources, but together they had a message for me.

    Here are 4 in no particular order:

    The best compositions are the ones you don’t look for.

    Alister Benn

    Photography by wandering around: exploring without specific goals or expectations in mind, taking a slow pace, seeking to see beyond the most obvious features of a landscape, and enjoying the process regardless of the results.

    Sarah Marino

    Without expectations, I am open to serendipity, and that allows the world to present itself.

    Don Giannatti

    Creativity isn’t merely a gift; it’s a craft that requires cultivation and flourishes when we allow our brain to notice what it previously categorized as mundane and filtered from our consciousness.

    Chrissy Donadi

    Ferris wheel reflecting in Rhine River, castles©Ed Schlotzhauer

    Could not plan it

    A common element in these is the acknowledgment that my best work comes more from recognition than planning. My experience is that “I’m going to this place to make this particular picture” is not nearly as effective as “Wow, I’ve never noticed the way that looks in this light.” Discovery trumps planning for me.

    Maybe I have a skewed definition of planning. I often “plan” shoots in a sense. If there are storms boiling up, I want to get to a place where I can get a good view of them (without getting my car pounded by large hail). When there is a good snowfall I will sometimes try to decide where the fresh snow might look nice. If I am flying somewhere I will try to get a window seat. There may be nothing to photograph, but I can’t if I’m not by a window.

    This is the extent of the planning I do for a photo shoot. I try to put myself in a place that might have interest. Then I rely on my curiosity and vision to guide me to discover compelling images.

    I need to restate what I have said many times: I am a fine art photographer. I do not shoot for clients. The results I create are first and foremost to please me. That is my only criteria.

    Tunnel of storm sewer pipes©Ed Schlotzhauer

    Be ready

    A key behind this style of working is the need to be ready. We must be mindful of ourselves and our surroundings. Of little things we ordinarily pass by and grand scenes that call to be a picture. Of the way the light is interacting with things, of textures, of coincidences that bring things together.

    Being able to react to things like this is only possible if we are thoughtful. Our minds must be engaged and not distracted. Email, social media, probably even our favorite playlists take us away from being thoughtful. They make us inwardly focused instead of being receptive to the visual world around us.

    When you are walking, can you turn off the distractions and keep your attention focused on the world around you? When you are driving, can you stay conscious of what is passing by rather than being internally focused? It is too easy to be concentrating more on your to-do list or what that rude driver ahead of you did or what’s on the radio.

    Our world tries to demand all of our attention. But our attention is too valuable to let them. have it. We should control where and when we use it.

    If we want to be receptive to discovering the unplanned pictures that are all around us, we must control our attention and direct it to that purpose.

    Storm in Wyoming©Ed Schlotzhauer

    Know what to do

    Then when one of these happy circumstances presents itself, we must know what to do. That is usually not the time to be trying to remember how to use our equipment. Unless you are just getting started on your photography journey, it is not the time to be thinking much about aperture or shutter speed settings or trying to remember the rules you have heard about composition.

    Maybe a first step that should not even need to be stated is that without a camera you are not going to take any pictures. Carry your camera. I have discovered that when I pick up my camera it is a statement of intent, a signal to myself. I now go into a mindset of thinking about pictures.

    And remember that your camera is just a tool. We must learn our tools well, until using them is second nature. I don’t want to set the bar too high. Never be discouraged to go out shooting just because you are not expert enough with your camera yet. You might miss some shots or be discouraged by the results. That’s OK. It is about learning and experience. They take time. Henri Cartier-Bresson said that our first 10,000 pictures are our worst.

    A goal we strive for is for our tools to become an extension of our mind. To the point where we almost forget they are there. Our hands and eye and mind work together automatically to create the image. Our thought is on the composition, not much on the mechanics of using the camera.

    Bull Elk w/peak antlers©Ed Schlotzhauer

    Use it

    To circle back to the opening quotes, a lot of the best photography is about wandering and being open and receptive. It’s often about the ability to see interest in the mundane things you used to ignore. or the way the light is playing on a subject

    And always be ready to accept the gift of serendipity. Great things are often the result of good fortune, of happy coincidences. Being in a good location at a good time helps, but serendipity is more important.

    Be grateful. Say thank you and take the picture. Enjoy the process.

    But that good fortune will go by unnoticed if we are not paying attention, if we are not receptive. That missed opportunity may never repeat.

    I hope that motivates us to disconnect from the noise sources that are demanding our attention and instead be open to the world around us.

  • No I in Team

    No I in Team

    It’s a well-worn motivational expression: There’s no I in “team”. Whenever I hear it, I automatically turn it around to reverse the meaning. My art is not a team sport.

    Teamwork

    Teamwork can be a powerful force. Getting a group together and focused on a common problem can have amazing results. The comradery built can be very strong. In extreme cases, like a military group, members will sacrifice their lives for each other.

    This is a phenomenon that we seldom find in our everyday lives. Perhaps you have the good fortune to have been a member of a great team. It is probably something you remember as a powerful experience.

    French Circus poster©Ed Schlotzhauer

    Some things need a team

    There are obvious cases where a team is required. Most sports require a team. No single player, no matter how skilled, can play all the positions simultaneously. All must work together to defeat the opposing team.

    A team can be a force multiplier. The group can perform more physical work than an individual. Think of a bucket brigade.

    Today’s workforce emphasizes teamwork and collaboration. It is taken as a truth that good teamwork improves productivity. I can sort of agree. Having seen both sides, I can say that working in a well-functioning team is much more productive and fun than being in a situation where there is conflict and tension.

    I say “sort of” because I also do not believe that teams are the best structure for everything.

    Cloth window©Ed Schlotzhauer

    Introvert

    Here’s one of my problems with the team concept: I’m an introvert. Group activities drain me rather than energizing me. An introvert can be a good team contributor, but it takes a savvy leader to make it happen. It is all too easy for a quiet introvert to be dominated by loud extroverts.

    “As an introvert, photography has always appealed to me in great part because it’s not a team sport—it’s something I can do by myself, in places and times of my choosing, and for no other reason than to satisfy my own sensibilities.”

    Guy Tal

    I have too often seen group efforts steered by the loudest or most opinionated members. The results were not always excellent.

    As an introvert, I have a built-in suspicion of group activities. It is not an environment I naturally thrive in. It can happen, but it is rare.

    Here is an example of it working: I worked with a fairly consistent group of excellent engineers for several decades. It was extremely productive and congenial. We got along well, we respected each other, we could disagree and resolve issues, and we supported each other. Managers and projects would come and go, but our core group stayed mostly intact. That is not to say we were best friends. We didn’t socialize much, although now that we are retired, several of us still get together weekly for lunch. The team bond was that strong.

    That is a situation I don’t expect to see repeated much these days. But is my example of what a good team can be.

    Color spill©Ed Schlotzhauer

    Artist

    However, I am an artist now. I think that changes everything. The rules, the expectations, the responsibilities are all different now. It is a different world than the corporate environment.

    Corporations are anonymous groups of people working to make a profit. The individuals doing the work, no matter how creative, are seldom known. Apple back in the Steve Jobs and Jonny Ivy days might be the exception.

    But for an artist it is the opposite. My work is judged to be my own. My name is on it. It is very personal. It should be the best work I am capable of doing in any given situation. Good or bad, I’m the one held responsible.

    As an artist and an introvert, I work in my head. Quietly. Other people’s voices and opinions are distracting noise. What I create is based on my own vision and decisions. After I have created a piece, I am very willing to listen to your opinion of how I could have made it better, but I don’t want you there talking to me while I am in the field working. If I were to listen to you there, the resulting work would be our piece, not mine.

    Collaboration

    This strikes to the heart of one of the great beliefs of the corporate world, that collaboration is the key to everything. I disagree.

    Some proponents of collaboration say that results achieved by collaboration are always superior to results of any individual. Again, I disagree. I have seen good and bad results from collaboration.

    I will claim that the results are about the average of the capability of the group. But in a lot of groups, some of the individuals are below average. Therefore, the group result seems better. This is the actual benefit to the corporation: collaboration usually produces acceptable results.

    Whether or not collaboration is superior in corporate settings, I believe that it is always a mistake for me in my art, mainly fine art photography, which is my subject. My reasoning is that a work of art is an expression of the artist’s creativity and vision and feelings and skill. If I collaborate with someone, I cannot put my name on it and claim it as my creation. You would not see me; you would see a group effort.

    Besides, I am not interested in making acceptable images. I strive to create excellent ones. If I fail, I want it to be completely my fault.

    Gold mannekin©Ed Schlotzhauer

    No Team

    I believe an artist is required to succeed or fail on his own. The kind of art I do is not a team sport. What I create is solely my responsibility. It will stand or fall on my ability. No excuses. No one else is directly contributing to it.

    I would love to have a mentoring or support group of fellow artists, but I have not found one around me and there is a rather small population of local artists I share a vision with. It seems like it would be rewarding to be able to try out ideas with other artists and have a close enough group that they could tell me when I am veering off in the weeds. Shared ideas, education, and encouragement would be great.

    But even if I had such a group, I would not collaborate with them on any of my works. Suggestions might be given and received, but it would be totally my decision what to do with the advice. The result would be mine and my responsibility. All praise or blame falls on me.

    A strange side effect of this is that being an artist is a kind of arrogance. It is my work, my creativity, my vision. No one can tell me what I should do.

    I did it my way

    This is an extreme position, but it is the way that seems necessary for me. I can’t create in a noisy environment with other people trying to give me inputs. It’s part of my introversion. An atelier would not work for me, although I can see that it would be a good fit for some.

    I will have to be content being a lone wolf, working independently, taking full responsibility for my own creation. And at this point in my life, I would not want it to be any other way. My purpose is to exercise my creativity and create art that pleases me, not to become commercially successful in group projects that I contribute to.

    There’s no I in team. I am not in a team. A team is not where I work. That would feel lonely and isolated to some, but it energizes me.